Me: Where are the owls? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?
Hooters Waitress: Please sir, you're causing a fuss and disturbing the other customers-
Me: *banging my hands rhythmically on the table* WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE-ARE-THE-OWLS? WHERE ARE THE OWLS?

guy:

yeah baby i am an ANIMAL in bed. more specifically a koala. i can sleep for 22 hours a day

laughfever:

Hi, I’m Timmy Turner and i STOLE FROM MY MOM’S PURSE

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forbruise:

  sad sky's  

dysfunctunal:

☠ more here ☠

(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

dutchster:

when i don’t understand a post and check the caption for an explanation but find only puns there

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oreyoreos:

maria-amino:

rihenna:

Rihanna as Tip in the first official Dreamworks Animation Trailer Home

I WANNA SEE LOTS OF HYPE OVER THIS MOVIE I WANNA SEE EXCITEMENT CAUSE THIS IS THE FIRST CGI MOVIE WITH A BLACK PROTAGONIST

gonna reblog so that everyone can know about this movie

vintageeveryday:

Two men kissing in a photobooth in 1953.

starbuckers:

What if all of our moms ran our blogs for a day

crowleyinhellsthrone:

ohdangdanii:

I got sent to the hall in Japanese class for laughing so hard at this I hate this post

my friend’s spanish teacher slapped her for saying this